I facilitate a lot of conversations about what contributes to effective interpersonal communication. We always discuss the impact your voice has on how you are being perceived: your speed, tone, pitch, volume and accent.
Tone can be difficult to manage. It is often what inches you over the line from being assertive to being perceived as aggressive. Particularly, if you are not also attentive to your body language.
Volume, pitch and speed are equally as important. While there are creative ways you can use each for impact when you are speaking, during one-to-one conversations the general goal is to aim for moderation.
- When I’m engaged in conversations that are tough or where emotions would be expected, I think about how I use my voice with my wife Susan when we are having dinner.
- I might say “Susan, can you please pass the salt?” It’s somewhat matter-of-fact.
- I speak at a moderate volume. My pace is consistent. My tone suggests assertion rather than aggression. And I’m not communicating any negative emotions.
I’ve learned that whenever I feel triggered during a conversation or when I feel my emotions taking over, I take a few deep breaths and say “please pass the salt’ in my mind. This helps to focus my attention on my voice before I speak. It reminds me to focus on how I’m being heard as much as on what I need to say.
Think about “please pass the salt” the next time you are communicating what you need or want. Aim for moderation in how your listener hears your voice. And use your voice effectively to assert your needs, values and beliefs in an honest, direct and appropriate manner.
Not a fan of salt? Pick an alternative that works for you!
Interested in learning more facilitation tips and techniques to help you host meaningful conversations? Contact us at info@trybarefoot.com to schedule a workshop for your team OR check out Public Workshops on our website for upcoming learning opportunities.
Gerard Murphy
Founder and CEO,
Barefoot Facilitation Inc.